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Thompson of the Varsity 



A College Comedy in Three Acts 



BY 

EDWARD M. HARRIS 

Author of "THE FATAL BLOW." etc. 




PHILADELPHIA 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

1910 



„r 






Copyright 1910 by The Penn Publishing Company 



Thompson of the 'Varsity 

©GI.D 22860 



Thompson of the 'Varsity 



CHARACTERS 



Phil Thompson . Right tackle on the Huntingdon team 

Joe Green His roommate 

Charlie Davis . Left half-back on the Huntingdon team 
"Fatty" (Harry) Merrill . Centre on the Huntingdon 

team 
Bert Haliday . . Full-back on the Huntingdon team 
Stephen Gray . . Manager of the Huntingdon team 
Fred Wood . Substitute right tackle on the Huntingdon 

team 

Buck Harding Football coach 

Addison Hornblower . Freshman and chum of Wood's 
Algernon Evans Sears . Of the sporty set at the Uni- 
versity of Wooster 

Jerry Adams Captain of Wooster team 

" Sherlock" Watkins .... The arm of the law 
Professor Crowell . . Dea?i of Huntingdon College 

Eleanor Crowell His daughter 

Mrs. Joseph Green Joe's mother 

Hazel Green His sister 

Alicia Taylor . Friend of Hazel's 

Sarah Maid at Crowell' s 

Members of the Huntingdon football team, students, etc. 
Time of Representation : — Two hours and a half. 

Act I. — Room of Green and Thompson. Day before the 
game. 

Act II. — Training quarters of Huntingdon. Day of the 
game. 

Act III. — Room in the home of Dean Crowell. Day 
after. 



SYNOPSIS 

Fred Wood, to win a large sum of money on the Hunt- 
ingdon-Wooster football game, has accused Thompson, 
Huntingdon's big right tackle, of stealing, in order to get 
him out of the game. 

Dean Crowell, prejudiced against Thompson, owing to a 
business difference between Thompson's father and himself, 
is only too ready to believe him guilty. Thompson is sus- 
pended through his inability to clear himself of the charge 
without admitting he was contemplating a secret marriage 
with Eleanor Crowell, the Dean's daughter. This affords 
Wood the opportunity he desires, of a place on the Hunt- 
ingdon team. At a critical moment in the game, when 
Huntingdon is within sight of a touch-down, Wood turns 
traitor to his team and makes it possible for Wooster to win. 

Thompson, blaming himself for the defeat that his team 
has suffered, is preparing to leave college when the Gym 
catches lire. He learns that Wood is trapped in the burning 
building, rushes into the burning building, and saves him. 

Wood, realizing the nobility of Thompson's act, confesses 
to the theft of the examination paper and then leaves col- 
lege. Thompson is exonerated and reinstated in his class, 
and his engagement to Eleanor is announced. 



PROPERTIES 



Act I. Music on piano. Pipes and cigarette-boxes, 
handkerchief and package for Joe. Crockery wash-basin, 
tray and glasses and a large pillow-case for Merrill. Paper 
for Wood. Note for Dean. 

Act II. Football. Sweaters and blankets for team. 
Large bell to ring off stage. 

Act III. Banners for student body bearing the following 
inscriptions : 

" 'Sherlock Holmes ' Watkins." " On the trail." "One 
of the finest." "Call and see Watkins. He's looking for 
you." Bass-drum for one of the students. 



COSTUMES 

Thompson. Modern college fashion throughout play. 
The same for Green, Gray, Hornblower. 

Merrill. Fat and good-natured, although the char- 
acter does not require a really fat man, and can, with slight 
changes, be played by any young man. Modern clothing. 
Acts I and III, and in later part of Act II, football suit. 

Davis. Modern clothing, Acts I and III. Football suit 
for Act II. 

Wood. Acts I and III, modern costume. Act II, foot- 
ball suit. 

Sears. Heavy automobile coat and soft felt hat. 

Harding. Large green sweater with a white letter. 
His trousers are turned up at the bottom, revealing a pair of 
heavy tan shoes. Cap on the side of his head. He is a 
man of about twenty-eight. 

Dean Crowell. About fifty-five. Gray hair. Mous- 
tache or beard. A business suit. 

Watkins. About forty-five. A half-bald sandy wig and 
chin whiskers. He wears a regulation helmet and police- 
man's coat. Overalls tucked into cowhide boots. 

Mrs. Green. About fifty. Slightly gray. Hat and 
street gowns for Acts I and II. 

Eleanor. About twenty. Hat and street gowns for 
Acts I, II and part of III, then a house gown. 

Hazel. About eighteen. Hat and street gown for Acts 
I and IL 

Alicia. About nineteen. Hat and street gown for Acts 
I and II. 

Sarah. Servant's costume. 

Football uniforms for team. Grotesque gowns and 
masks for Davis, Haliday, and student body, in Act III. 



SCENE PLOTS 

Act I 



LANDSCAPE DROP 



BOOKCASE 
DOM 



WINDOW 

/MM 




Scene. — Thompson's college room. Doors r. and l. 
Window c. Landscape or foliage drop. Bookcase up r. 
Piano up l. Sofa down l. Morris chair down r. Other 
furnishings as desired. (College pennants, pictures, cush- 
ions, musical instruments, athletic implements, etc., are ap- 
propriate.) 

Act II 



BENCH 



DOOR 



BENCH 



I 



MAW* 




DOOR, 



Scene — Training quarters at Huntingdon College. A 
rough sort of room. Door l. 2 leads to dressing-room. 
Window r. 2 overlooks athletic field and gymnasium. 
6 



SCENE PLOTS J 

Door r. 3 leads to field. Chairs scattered about. Benches 
at back, etc. If desired this can be called " Trophy Room 
at training quarters," and may be a handsome room, with 
trophies, banners, cups, footballs, etc., displayed. 

Act III 




Scene. — Room in Dean Crowell's house. Landscape 
drop. Window in flat, c. Door in flat, l. c, leading to 
hall. Door l. 3 leads to other rooms. Fireplace r. Table 
c. Divan down l. Other furnishings as desired. 



Thompson of the 'Varsity 



ACT I 

SCENE. — Room of Joe Green and Phil Thompson, at 
Huntingdon College. Usual college room. Window c, 
overlooking campus. Doors L., leading to another room, 
and r., leading to passageway and into main hall. Piano 
L. Flat- top desk up stage and at c. So/a down L. Mor- 
ris chair R. College and '■'■prep." school flags, as well 
as pictures, are on the walls. Bats, racquets, a banjo, 
etc., strewn about. At rise Green, without his coat, is 
discovered making a frantic effort to straighten up the 
room. He collects a number of pipes and cigarette-boxes, 
and stands at c. for a moment, staring bewilderedly at 
them. He crosses to c. and hides the pipes, etc., in one 
of the desk drawers. 

Green {looking at watch). Jove ! mother and the girls 
will be here soon. Wonder what's keeping Thompson ? 
( Whistling heard off stage.) That sounds like Davis. 
(Goes up stage and opens window, c. Calls out.) Ho! 
Charlie. Charlie Davis. 

Charlie Davis (off stage). What's the matter up there ? 

Green. Have you seen Phil Thompson? 

Davis. No. 

Green. Come on up. 

Davis. What d'ye want? 

Green. Come up and give me a lift. I expect mother 
and the girls down. 

Davis. Who ? 

Green (shouting). Mother and the girls. 

Davis. Girls ? 

Green. Yes. 

Davis. Holy smoke ! I'll be right up. (Green closes 
window and comes down to desk, c. , and begins dusting it 
with his pocket handkerchief, throwing things under sofa, 



10 THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 

etc. Enter Davis, door r.) Give it to him, Joe, give it to 
him. 

Green. Straighten up the music on the piano, Charlie. 

Davis {arranging music on the piano). Does Fatty Mer- 
rill know your sister is coming down ? 

Green. Yes. He corresponds with her regularly. 
Haven't you seen Thompson ? 

Davis. Not since football practice. 

Green. Bet he's over spooning with Eleanor Crowell. 
He's got it bad. 

Davis. Understand Dean Crowell objects to Phil's going 
around with Eleanor. 

Green. Do you know why ? 

Davis. No. Why ? 

Green. Well, I've heard the Dean, some years ago, was 
interested in that mine that Thompson's father was pro- 
moting 

Davis. And it proved to be a bubble. 

Green. The Dean dropped a barrel of money in it and 
blames Phil's father for it. That's why he doesn't want 
Phil racing around with his daughter. 

Davis. There may be something in that. The Dean 
has always been down on Thompson, that's sure. Phil had 
better forget the girl and plug on English. 

Green. You're right. 

Davis. Professor Wyeth said he'd give him a vacation 
if he didn't brace up. 

(Davis sits at piano and plays with one finger ; and much 
out of tune, " For he's a jolly good fellow") 

Green. Stop that, will you, Davis? Help me fix 
things. I don't want mother to think I've forgotten all her 
good advice. 

Davis (stops playing). Got the makings, Joe? 

Green. Not on your life ! No smoking around here. 
Mother is coming. 

Davis. Gee ! but you're awful good ! (Knocking heard 
at door r. ) Come in! Hello, it's " Sherlock Holmes " 
Watkins, our efficient village constable. Come in, " Sher- 
lock." 

"Sherlock" Watkins (poking head in door). No, ye 
ilon't. Can't catch me. I kin see all I want to from here. 
Guess ye ain't got it. 



THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY II 

Green {laughing). Ain't got what, "Sherlock"? 

Watkins. Blatchford's sign. Stold last night. I'm 
lookin' fer it. {Pokes head around edge of door, peering 
all over room.) Ain't got it hid in the closet, hev ye ? 

Green. How long is it ? 

Watkins. Twelve feet. An' two foot wide ! It's a 
val'able sign. 

Green. Well, I should say. No, it's not in the closet. 
{Goes to Watkins and puts hand on shoulder.) Come in 
and look. 

Watkins {breaking away). Nope. No ye don't. If 
ye got it though, I'll find it. I'm goin' to put the feller 
that stold it in jail. So look out. 

{Shakes finger warningly at crowd and exits r.) 

Davis {laughing uproariously). My, it's a great old 
Watkins, ain't it? Hello, here's Fatty Merrill. {Enter 
Fatty Merrill, r.) Fatty, Watkins is looking for a sign 
so high {measuring with hands) and so wide. I think he 
means you. 

Merrill. Gee, but you're funny to-day, Davis ! Say, 
fellows, heard the news ? 

Green. ) wu . ^ 

Davis. } What news? 

Merrill. Some one took Professor Wyeth's examina- 
tion paper that he was preparing for the English exam. 

Davis. Who told you ? 

Merrill. Hornblower. He said that Dean Crowell 
thinks Phil Thompson stole it. 

Green. Phil ! Phil wouldn't do such a thing ! 

Davis. Say, how did the Dean come to make a mistake 
like that? 

Merrill. The way Hornblower tells the story is that 
old Wyeth left the paper on a table at the Dean's. Before 
he remembered it and had time to get back for it, Phil 
called at the Dean's to see Miss Crowell. 

Green. I told Phil he'd better cut out the love-making 
until he got out of college. 

Davis. Never mind that, Joe. Give us the rest of the 
story, Fatty. 

Merrill. Well, it seems that just as Miss Crowell and 
Phil came into the library a telephone call came for her, and 
she went into the next room, leaving Phil all alone. Wood 



12 THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 

called to see the Dean, and the servant showed him into the 
library also. In a few minutes the Dean came in, just in 
time, it seems, to see Phil stuff a paper into his pocket. 
And right on top of that, back comes old Wyeth in great 
excitement, looking for his paper. Phil swore he never saw 
it. Wood says he saw him take off the table the paper he 
put into his pocket. Phil refused to show the paper he took 
— and there you are. 

Green. How does Wyeth know he left the paper at the 
Dean's ? 

Merrill. Because that was the only place he had the 
paper out of his pocket. 

Green {scornfully). Huh ! That's what he thinks. 
Anyway, I don't believe, for one, that Phil had anything to 
do with it. I'll bet Wood took it. He's a skunk ! As for 
that shadow of his, Addison Hornblower, I'd like to hand 
him a few swift ones. 

Davis. Hate to admit it, but Phil is rather back in 
English. You know he's been up before the Dean a num- 
ber of times on account of his poor showing in Wyeth' s 
room. 

Merrill. That's why the Dean is so ready to believe 
him guilty. They say he gave Phil until this evening to 
make a clean breast of it all. Why, say, fellows, they may 
expel him ! 

Green. See here, boys. I'll not stand for any one's 
saying Phil Thompson took that paper, or as much as saw 
it ! Phil may not make a hit at English, but he'd never do 
a thing of that kind, even to save himself from flunking. 

Merrill. You're right, Joe. I don't believe it either ! 
Phil's the whitest man in college. 

{Enter Bert Haliday, r.) 

Haliday. Heard the rumor ? 
, All. Yes. 

Merrill. Ring off, Haliday, you're late. 

Haliday. What will we do against Wooster to-morrow, 
if Thompson isn't in the game? 

Green. Won't the Dean let him play? The captain of 
the team ? 

Haliday. Play ! I guess not. Phil will be fired from 
college. That's all the playing he'll do. 



THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 1 3 

Merrill. It's a shame ! We're up against it without 
Phil. 

Haliday. It's tough, fellows. The honor of Hunt- 
ingdon is at stake. We can't afford to let Wooster beat us. 

Davis. It's hard luck. Why, we must win to-morrow ! 
They've beaten us two years now ! 

Green. Say, you fellows seem to take it for granted 
that Phil is guilty. Where did you get your information ? 
From a sneak ! Has any one seen Phil ? 

All. No. 

Green. Then you don't know what you're talking about. 
You make me sick ! 

{Short pause before Merrill speaks?) 

Merrill. Phil's the best right tackle we've ever had. 
The whole college knows that. 

Davis. You bet they do ! 

Green. I'll bet it's some trick of Wood's to get Phil 
out of the game. I haven't any use for that fellow. 

Davis. He's nothing but a sneak. He' knows his only 
chance to play in to-morrow's game is by getting Phil out 
of it. 

Merrill. That's just what he's trying to do. As for 
young Hornblower, Wood has only to whistle and he'll race 
after him like — like — a little dog. 

Haliday. You're right, Fatty. I don't care much for 
Wood, but he's the only available man for the place, pro- 
viding Thompson isn't in the game. 

Davis. Yes, and he's punk. Wood is too familiar with 
that sporty crowd over at Wooster for me. He and Al- 
gernon Evans Sears and his selected bunch are too thick for 
my blood. 

Merrill. Understand they threatened to expel Sears 
and his crowd from Wooster for gambling, and so forth. 
Hullo, here comes Phil. 

{Enter Thompson, r. He enters slowly, as if in deep 
thought, and does not notice the other occupants of the 
room — who are somewhat up stage. He crosses to c. 
and stands there thinking, with his hands driven deep 
into his trousers pocket. All come down to Thompson, 
speaking almost simultaneously.} 

Green. Phil, old man, I 



14 THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 

Merrill. Hello, Phil ! 

Davis. Phil ! 

Haliday. Thompson ! 

Thompson. Joe ! (To others.} Hello ! 

Merrill. It's a shame, Phil. We don't believe it. 

Haliday. We'll stand with you to the last. 

Davis. You bet ! 

Thompson. What do you mean ? You all know what — 
what 

Green. Yes, for Hornblower is doing all he can to 
spread it. We don't believe it, Phil ! 

Thompson. I didn't steal that examination paper, I 
swear. 

All. Oh, pshaw, we know you didn't ! Of course not. 
You're all right, Phil, etc. 

Green. Why didn't you ram the lie down Wood's 
throat ? 

All. Yes ! 

Thompson. I couldn't. 

Merrill. Why ? Why not ? 

Davis. Yes — why couldn't you? 

Thompson. I was visiting Miss Crowell 

Green. We know that. What was this paper Wood 
claims he saw you put into your pocket ? Was it Professor 
Wyeth's English exam ? 

Thompson. No. 

Davis. Then what was it ? 

Thompson. A paper Miss Crowell had handed to me 
before she left the room. 

Haliday. You showed the paper to the Dean, of course ? 

Thompson. No. 

Davis. Why not ? 

Thompson. I — I couldn't. 

Green. Couldn't? What's the matter with you ? 

Thompson. I couldn't with — without bringing a lady 
into it. 

Green. Lady, bah ! If you'd taken my advice and cut 
out your fussing around Eleanor Crowell until you got out 
of college, you'd have not got into this tangle. 

Haliday. Well, the question is — Is the lady more to 
you than the college? What will we do to-morrow against 
Wooster if you are not in the game ? 

Thompson. I can't help it. 



THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 1 5 

Davis. Can't help it ! The big game of the year ! And 
you captain of the team ! What's the matter with you ? 
Are you crazy ? The honor of Huntingdon is at stake ! 
That's more to us than some girl you 

Thompson. Stop ! Where is my honor, my name, 
Charlie? Dragged in the mire of disgrace already, isn't 
it ? Don't you suppose I'd save it — if I could ? 

Haliday. Ah, say, cut out the heroics. This is no 
cheap melodrama. Don't make a fool of yourself, Phil. 

Green. Shut up, Haliday. Phil, old man, we've roomed 
together for almost four years. What's been mine has been 
yours, and what you have had has always been mine. 
We've had no secrets from one another, and don't let us 
begin now. We fellows are your friends, Phil. We know 
you didn't steal that examination paper. Can't you, won't 
you tell us what the paper was Miss Crowell handed to you ? 

Davis. Do, Phil. 

Merrill. We won't say a word to any one. 

Thompson. Oh ! why torture me, fellows ? I want to 
play in the game to-morrow ! I must play and help win for 
old Huntingdon. But — but I told you — there's a lady in- 
volved in this. 

Green. Hang it all, Phil ! how will it hurt her if we 
know ? We want to help you. 

Davis. Come, why make a chump of yourself? 

Haliday. It's our right to know. I demand that you 
tell us your reason for playing traitor to the team. 

Thompson. Traitor ! No, I'm not ! Don't accuse me 
of that ! Look here — promise me you'll never breathe a 
word of what I'm going to tell you. 

All. We do. 

Thompson. On your honor. 

All. On our honor. 

Thompson. The paper Wood saw me put into my pocket 
was our marriage license. 

Merrill. Whose ? 

Davis. Phil ! yours and Miss Crowell's ? 

Thompson. Yes. 

Green. You — you are married ? 

Thompson. No, but we were going to be after the game 
to-morrow. 

All. What ! 

Haliday. Doesn't the Dean know it ? 



lb THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 

Thompson. No. 

Green. You were planning an elopement? 

Thompson. Not exactly. 

Merrill. How romantic. {Falls on his knees in front 
of Davis, and raises his arms appealingly .) Ah, fair maid, 
by the light of yon pale moon, fly with me in my air-ship. 

{Madly clutches Davis by the hand. Davis shoves him 
away and he falls full length on the floor.} 

Davis. Merrill ! you've as much sense as a cat. 

Merrill {rising). Well, say, to think of old Phil 

Green. That'll be about enough from you, Fatty. 

Merrill. I don't see what you're getting mad about. 
You're always picking on me. Because I'm fat you — you 
think I'm nothing but a football. If Phil's action wasn't 
romantic, what do you call it ? 

Thompson. No one wants to pick on you, Fatty. What 
I did there was no other way of doing. The Dean would 
never consent to my marrying his daughter. 

Haliday. How do you know ? You never asked him ? 

Thompson. I knew without asking. 

Davis. How ? 

Thompson. Because the Dean claims my father robbed 
him. Some business venture that they were both interested 
in went to pieces. If he couldn't trust the father he couldn't 
trust the son. That's why the Dean has always been dis- 
agreeable to me. 

Haliday. And that's why he would never consent to' 
your marrying his daughter ? 

Thompson. Yes. And that's why I couldn't tell him 
what it was I had put into my pocket. That's why he's so 
willing to believe that I stole Professor Wyeth's examination 
paper, and expel me. 

Haliday. Expel ! Then — then you are expelled ? 

Thompson. Not yet. I wish I were. This agony of 
suspense is awful. 

Green. See here, Phil. You're love-mad. It's sweep- 
ing you off your feet. You are allowing an imaginary duty 
to overshadow common sense. We can't afford to lose to- 
morrow's game. We can't afford to have you out of it. If 
you don't go and tell the Dean I shall. 

Thompson {grasping Green by shoulders'). You won't. 
You mustn't. You promised you'd say nothing. 



THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 17 

Green. But Wooster, Phil — Wooster. Do you remem- 
ber how they rubbed it in last year? It'll be ten times as 
bad if they win to-morrow. Oh, Phil, you can't ! 

Thompson. I — I know, it's awful. 

Green. Don't forget we've been proud of you, Phil. 
And we are yet. 

All. That's right. We sure are, etc. 

Thompson. Well, boys, it's an awful fix. But I tell you 
what — I'd like to think it over a bit. Maybe I can find a 
way out. Xeave me alone a while, will you ? 

{He crosses and exits R.) 

Davis. Say, I feel sorry for that boy, but what are we 
to do? 

Green. We can't do anything. It's all a trick of 
Wood's to get Phil ouf of the game. Phil's love affair has 
only helped matters along. Fellows, not a word of this. 

All. Mum is the word. 

Green. We must watch Wood. And we must save 
Phil from himself. 

(Green begins again to straighten up room, arranging, 
dusting, etc., during following speeches.*) 

Haliday. I must be going. Coming my way, Fatty? 

Merrill. I — I — got an engagement. 

Davis {laughing). Joe's sister is coming, Bert. 

Haliday. Oh, yes, I forgot Fatty was so inclined toward 
the ladies. Look out, Joe, he doesn't fall in love with your 
mother instead of your sister. 

{Exit, r.) 

Davis. I'm going your way, Bert. 

Haliday {off stage). Come along, then. 

Davis. Take care, Joe, that Fatty doesn't try to elope 
with your sister. How romantic. 

Merrill. Bah ! Don't get jealous, Davis. 

Davis. I won't. Don't be too. sure of your ground, 
Fatty. I may cut you out. 

Merrill. Try it. ' 

Davis. It wouldn't be hard. Hazel is a dear friend of 
mine. Isn't she, Joe ? 

Green {smiling). Well, I've heard you tell her so. 



l8 THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 

Haliday (heard off). Oh, you Davis. Come along. 

Merrill. Run along, liLtle boy. I'm not afraid of you. 
She wouldn't look at you. 

Davis. Don't get jealous, Fatty. All's fair in love and 
war. 

Merrill. Joe ! fire him out, — he'll talk the girls to 
death. 

Davis. He doesn't need to, I'm going. {Melodramat- 
ically.) Henceforth we are rivals ! Eh, Fatty? 

(Exit, laughing, R.) 

Green (at door r.; speaking off). Coming back 
later ? 

Haliday ) , „ . . , T 

Davis } i°ff sta S^- Yes. 

Merrill. D-do you think, Joe", that Hazel cares any- 
thing for Davis ? 

Green. I don't think anything about it. Don't bother 
me. (Merrill crosses slozoly to piano, l., and sinking 
down on to stool starts to play — " The Heart Bowed 
Down." Green beats up cushions.) Stop that, Fatty, 
and go make the lemonade. 

Merrill (slops playing; sighs). What — what are you 
going to make it in ? 

Green. You'll find a punch-bowl in the other room. 

(Merrill exits, l., as Addison Hornblower enters r.) 

Hornblower. Hullo ! Green! Thompson got back? 

Green. Is your friend Wood anxious to find out how 
well his scheme is working ? 

Hornblower. Wh-what do you mean ? 

Green. You know well enough, Hornblower. This 
trick of Wood's to get Thompson out of the game isn't going 
to work. I'll bet, if the truth was known, you had a hand 
in it, too. 

Hornblower. Now, look here, Green, really you 
oughtn't to 

(Reenter Merrill, l., with crockery wash-basin^) 

Merrill. Is this what you call a punch-bowl ? 
Green (who is sweeping dirt under sofa). Does it look 
like one ? 



THOMPSON OF 1 THE VaRSITY 19 

Merrill. How do you suppose I know ? (Aside.) Ah ! 
Hazel, if I only knew that you had a place in your heart 
for me. (Goes up stage. ) 

Green. You'll find it in there, wrapped up in brown 
paper. 

Merrill. That bundle on the bed ? 

Green. Yes. 

Hornblower. Hullo, Fatty ! 

Merrill. Hullo, Mr. Hornblower ! (Looks at Horn- 
blower scornfully a moment, then exits, L.) 

Hornblower. I — I hear your sister and Miss Taylor 
are coming. 

Green. Who told you ? 

Hornblower. Wood. 

Green (growlingly). What's he know about it ? 

Hornblower. He's quite smitten with Miss Taylor. 

Green. Humph ! 

Merrill (off stage). Where's the sugar, Joe? 

Green. By Jove! (Calls to Merrill.) I forgot to 
get it. (Puts on coat.) I'll go get some right away. 

(Exit, r.) 

Hornblower. This is luck ! Now to get rid of Merrill 
and the coast will be clear for Wood, if he hasn't got tired 
of waiting. Say, Fatty, are we going to win to-morrow? 

Merrill {offstage). I don't know. 

Hornblower. Sears, of Wooster, is offering five to four 
that his team is going to win. 

Davis (off stage and under window, a). Fatty! Fatty 
Merrill ! 

Merrill (putting his head in door l.). Is that some 
one calling me ? 

Hornblower. Sounds that way. 

Merrill. Who is it? — I'm busy, tell him. 

Davis (off stage). Are you dead, Fatty ? 

Hornblower. It's Davis. Why don't you answer him ? 
(Aside.) What luck ! 

Merrill (enteritig l.). I suppose if I don't he'll never 
shut up. (Goes up stage to window and opening it speaks 
out.) What do you want? Don't you know I'm busy? 

Davis. Buck Harding wants you over at the Gym. 

Merrill. I can't go. 

Davis. But you must. 



20 THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 

Merrill. Why must I? 

Davis. Forget her, Fatty. Buck wants you. 

Merrill (sighing). All right. ( Closes window and 
comes down.) Got to go to the Gym. Tell Joe I'll be 
right back. 

Hornblower. Yes, I'll do it. {Exit Merrill, r.) 
This is luck. Now to get Wood. (Goes up to window c, 
and opening it whistles softly. Whistle heard off stage.) 
All right, Fred. (Closes window and coities down.) If 
they don't come back too quickly we'll fix Thompson. 

(Enter Fred Wood, r.) 

Wood. This is luck. 

Hornblower. You'll have to work quickly, for they'll 
be right back. 

Wood. Don't get excited, Hornblower. (Takes paper 
from his pocket.) That's the paper that will put Thompson 
out of the game, and incidentally beats Huntingdon, I guess. 

Hornblower. You don't mean to sell Huntingdon out ? 
I thought you took that paper only to get Thompson out of 
the game ? 

Wood (laughing). Keep your mouth shut and there'll 
be something in it for you. And look here. (Speaks fiercely.) 
Remember, I know a thing or two about you. 

Hornblower (hastily). Oh, all right, Fred. Anyway, 
I've got no use for Thompson. 

Wood (dropping examination paper on desk). I was with 
Thompson in the Dean's library all right. But the paper 
the Dean saw him put into his pocket was not the examina- 
tion sheet, for I had taken it myself when Thompson wasn't 
looking. 

Hornblower. Suppose Thompson tells the Dean that it 
was a letter he put into his pocket ? 

Wood. The Dean won't believe him. The evidence, 
with my assistance, points directly at Thompson. 

Hornblower. It may be all right for the Dean, but the 
Faculty will want more conclusive evidence than your mere 
say so. I understand they meet to-night. 

Wood. That's why I got you to come here. I'm going 
to partly burn the paper and give you the rest of it. 

Hornblower. What will I do with it? 

Wood. You'll go before the Faculty and swear that you 



THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 21 

were about to enter Thompson's room when you saw him 
burning something. 

Hornblower. I can't do that ! 

Wood. Listen to me. Say that before he had a chance 
to finish it you entered the room, and he shoved the half- 
burnt paper into the desk drawer. 

Hornblower. Don't drag me into it, Fred. 

Wood. Are you going back on me? 

Hornblower. I'll — I'll be expelled from college if I'm 
caught. 

Wood {coldly). You'll be expelled anyway if I tell all I 
know. But see here. Don't get chicken-hearted. I'll take 
care of you. 

Hornblower. Yes, you will. 

Wood. Certainly. We'll leave a few pieces of the burnt 
paper in the drawer so in case the Faculty ask you to show 
them which drawer it was in they'll find the ashes. That 
will let you out. 

Hornblower. Suppose Thompson swears that I never 
came into the room ? Quick ! Some one is coming ! 

Wood. Where's the paper ? 

Hornblower {rushing to desk and picking up paper). 
Let's hide it ! It might be Dean Crowell ! It's just like 
him to prowl around here. 

{He has just time, enough to hide it amongst the music on 
piano when Green enters r.) 

Green {ironically). This is an unexpected pleasure, 
Wood. 

Wood. Why — er — I thought Miss Taylor had arrived. 
Green. You can have another think and go. 

{Goes to desk and places there package which he has 
brought in.) 

Wood. Thanks, I was just going. 

(Wood motions to Hornblower to try and get the paper. 
Wood exits r. Hornblower edges toward piano and is 
trying to get examination paper when Green turns and 
comes dotvn. ) 

Green. What do you want there, Hornblower ? 
Hornblower {picking up sheet of music from music- 
rack). I wanted to see this new song. Looks attractive. 



22 THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 

Green. Don't be attracted to it to the extent of carrying 
it away with- you. 

Hoknblower {placing music on rack). I don't want it. 

Green. Where's Fatty ? 

Hornblower. He went out to see some one. 

Green. Well, Hornblower, you can go out and see some 
one, for I don't want you here. (Hornblower glances at 
piano.) Hurry up ! (Hornblower crosses slowly R., and 
then looks back.) Good-day. {Exit Hornblower, r.) 
What kind of a scheme have those fellows been hatching ? 
Why did Hornblower hate to leave the room? I can't un- 
derstand it. But I will ! 

{Reenter Merrill, r.) 

Merrill. Where's Hornblower? 

Green. Never mind where he is. Do you know that I 
found Wood here with him ? They're up to some devil- 
ment, I'll warrant. 

Merrill. 1 couldn't help it, Joe. Buck sent for me to 
go over to the Gym. 

Green. He did ? 

Merrill. Yes. Perhaps Wood thought that he would 
find the English exam, paper here. 

Green. Humph ! I guess Wood knows where that paper 
is, all right. 

Merrill. It's mighty mysterious where it went to. 

Green. Not to me. 

Merrill. Joe, do you think I stand any — any show with 
your — your sister? 

Green {again busy cleaning room). You ought to know. 
You write to her, don't you? 

Merrill. Well, yes, not very often. Say two or three 
times a week. That's not much for a fellow who's in love. 

Green. Forget it, Fatty, and go and make the lemon- 
ade. I'm tired of you love-sick youths. 

Merrill {taking from desk package that Green has 
brought i?i). I'm going to propose to her before she goes 
home. 

Green. Hurry up ! 

Merrill. That's not the way to talk to your prospective 
brother-in-law. 

(Green picks up book from desk and makes an attempt to 
throu) it at Merrill, who hurriedly exits L. A knock is 



THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 2$ 

heard on door r. Green crosses to door r., and admits 
Mrs. Green, who is followed by Hazel Green and 
Alicia Taylor.) 

Mrs. G. My boy ! 

Green. Mother! (They kiss.) 

Hazel. Joe ! 

Green. Hazel ! So glad you decided to come down to- 
day rather than to-morrow. 

Hazel. You've met Miss Taylor, Joe? 

Green. Oh, yes. How-do-you-do, Miss Taylor ? 

Alicia. I'm glad to meet you again, Mr. Green. 

Hazel. Alicia is an admirer of Wooster, Joe. 

Green. Hope you'll have a different opinion after to- 
morrow's game. 

{Reenter Merrill, l., without a coat. His sleeves are 
rolled up and a large pillow-case is tied around his waist 
for an apron.) 

Merrill. Hullo, everybody ! 

Women. Ah, Mr. Merrill. 

Hazel. I want you to meet Miss Taylor, Harry. 

Merrill. Oh, how d'ye do, Miss Taylor? I met you in 
Chicago, last spring. I wonder if you remember 

Green {aside to Merrill). Better change your rig, 
Fatty. 

Merrill {to Green). Never mind me, or how I'm 
dressed. Get your mother and Miss Taylor out of the room 
or I won't be your brother. 

Green. Don't be foolish. I can't. 

Alicia. What a charming room you have, Mr. Green ! 

Mrs. G. Yes, Joseph, very pleasant and really very or- 
derly — isn't it, girls? Where is Mr. Thompson? 

Green. He — he'll be back soon. 

Alicia. When I met Mr. Wood, in Chicago, he said 
that Mr. Thompson was madly in love with Dean Crowell's 
daughter. Is that so? 

Green. Why — er — er — you'd better ask Wood. 

Mrs. G. Joseph, I must call and see Dean Crowell be- 
fore I go home. You know we are old friends. 

Green. I told him yesterday that you were coming down 
to-day, and he said he would try to drop in to see you. 

{Enter Eleanor Crowell, r.) 



24 THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 

Eleanor. I saw you going across the campus, Mrs. 
Green, and I couldn't resist the temptation to rush right over 
to see you. 

Mrs. G. So glad you did, Eleanor. 

Hazel. Eleanor ! 

Eleanor. Hazel! [They kiss.) 

Hazel. I want you to meet Miss Taylor, Eleanor. Miss 
Crowell, Miss Taylor. 

Alicia. This is a pleasure, Miss Crowell. I've often 
heard Hazel speak of you. 

Eleanor. We were classmates at Vassar, you know. 
Is this your first visit to Huntingdon ? 

Alicia. Yes. 

Eleanor. Well, we'll all try to make it an enjoyable one. 

{Reenter Davis and Haliday, r. They go and shake hands 
with Mrs. G. and the girls.) 

Green. Fatty, serve the lemonade. 
Merrill. I'm busy. 

(Merrill and Hazel are holding a lively conversation.') 

Haliday. Why don't you be agreeable, Fatty? 

Merrill {Jumping to his feet ; fiercely, to Haliday). 
Haven't you any sense ? Just cut out that Fatty when we're 
in the presence of ladies. 

Haliday. I'm sorry, old man, but I didn't stop to think. 

(Merrill glares at him and then exits L.) 

(Enter Thompson, r. He does not notice other occupants 
of the room, and starts slowly to cross to L.) 

Davis. Phil ! 

Thompson {stopping and looking around). Oh, — er — I 
beg your pardon. I — I was thinking. I beg pardon. I'm 
glad you've come down, Mrs. Green, and you, Hazel. 
Miss Taylor, I hardly thought that you would ever grace 
Huntingdon with your presence. 

{Exit Green, l.) 

Alicia. I came down to see Wooster defeat you. 
All. Oh, Miss Taylor ! 

{Reenter Merrill, with his coat on; he has a tray and 
glasses of lemonade, which he proceeds to serve.) 



THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 25 

Mrs. G. This is delicious ! Did you make it, Mr. 
Merrill ? 

Merrill. Yes, thank you. 

(Davis is talking to Mrs. G., Haliday to Alicia, and 

Merrill to Hazel.) 

Thompson {seeing Eleanor for the first time). Eleanor ! 
I— 1 

Eleanor. Phil ! 

Thompson. You — you don't believe — I — I stole that — 
that paper? 

Eleanor. No, Phil, I don't. I don't ! To protect me 
you are — are dis 

Thompson. I'd sell my soul to protect you ! 

Haliday. Are you ladies going to remain for the dance 
next Saturday evening ? 

Mrs. G. We've not decided yet. 

{Reenter Green, l., carrying cake, etc.} 
Green. Oh, but you must ! 

{Enter Dean Crowell, r.) 

Dean {surprised). Mrs. Green ! 

Mrs. G. Oh, Dean Crowell ! It is very good of you to 
come. I had fully intended calling to see you before I went 
away. 

Dean. You must, Mrs. Green, or — er — Margaret — you 
know I used to call you that. I — I knew you were to be 
here to-day, but did not expect you as early as this. 

Mrs. G. {laughing). I'm disappointed. I had hoped 
your call was especially for my benefit. 

Dean. Er — er — I'm sorry that it was not so intended. 
Perhaps we can adjust matters so that it will be. 

Mrs. G. Thanks, but if it's a matter of official business 
we may be in the way. Come, girls. 

Dean. Don't ! Please don't go. Mr. Thompson, I 
have received this note {taking note from pocket), giving me 
certain information concerning a subject that you and I are 
interested in. I had sent for Mr. Wood to come here, 
fully intending to end this affair. 

Thompson. I don't know what information you have 
secured, sir. I can only say 



26 THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 

Dean. Perhaps we'd better not discuss it in the presence 
of the ladies. 

{Enter Wood, r.) 

Wood. You wish to see me, sir ? 

Dean. I did. But — but I've decided to defer matters 
until later. You and Mr. Thompson will come to my office 
at four. 

Wood. Yes, sir. (To Alicia.) Miss Taylor ! (To 
Green.) You will pardon me, Green, if I remain for a few 
moments? (Crosses to Alicia.) 

Green (aside). Well, I like the nerve of that ! 
. Alicia. I did not suppose it was necessary to ask per- 
mission to remain here, Mr. Wood. I thought all you foot- 
ball men were especially devoted to one another. 

Wood (meaningly). We are. (To Dean.) Has the 
thief confessed, sir? 

LadIes. Thief ! 

Dean (embarrassed). Er — er — the fact is, Margaret, a 
valuable paper was stolen from my study this morning. I'm 
trying to find the one that took it. 

Mrs. G. How dreadful ! 

Alicia (who has been talking to Wood). It can't be 
possible that you would have any suspicions of a football 
man. What a dreadful loss it would be to the team if one 
of them was guilty ! Of course, it isn't possible. 

Davis. No, it isn't, Miss Taylor. 

Dean. Er — er — really, we'd better not discuss it. I 
must be going. I ,had only a moment. 

(Dean is talking to Mrs. G. Haliday, Davis and Mer- 
rill are talking. Green, Eleanor and Thompson are 
talking. Hazel and Alicia.) 

Wood (aside). This is my chance. (He crosses down 
to piano at l. , and in passing it, seemingly by accident — but 
does it ptirposely — knocks the music off the top. It spreads 
over the floor, displaying the examination paper. Horn- 
blow er enters r.) By Jove ! see what I've done. 

Alicia (picking up. examination paper). What's this? 

Dean. The examination paper ! ('Takes it.) Mr. Thomp- 
son, how did this paper come here? 

Thompson. I don't know, sir. 



THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY IJ 

Dean. Mr. Wood, is that the paper you saw taken from 
my library table to-day ? 

Wood (emphatically}. Yes, sir, it is. 

(Thompson starts toivard Wood, then checks himself.} 

Dean. Mr. Thompson, do you still deny that you took 
that examination paper, brought it here, and hid it in that 
music ? 

Thompson. Yes, sir. 

Hornblower (to Dean). Pardon me, sir, I'm sorry to 
have to contradict Mr. Thompson. But I saw him hide it 
here. 

Thompson. What ! 

(He springs at Hornblower, but suddenly checks himself, 
and instead of a blow gives him a contemptuous push. 
Hornblower almost falls.') 

Dean. How dare you act like that in my presence, sir ? 

Thompson. I — I beg your pardon. But no one shall 
accuse me unjustly. 

Dean. If this isn't the paper you put into your pocket, 
what paper did you put there ? 

Thompson. I — I — can't tell you, sir. 

Dean. I insist ! 

Eleanor. Father ! 1*11— I'll 

Thompson. Eleanor ! I forbid you. Believe me, Dean 
Crowell, this is simply a trick to get me out of the game 
to-morrow. 

Dean (coldly). Game or no game, I am sorry to say 
I cannot believe you. 

Thompson (sadly). I hardly expected you would. You 
have always seemed ready, sir, to accuse me when anything 
went wrong. 

Dean. Mr. Thompson ! you — you — are 

Eleanor (rushing to Dean). Father ! 

(Jle brushes her aside.) 

Dean (shaking his finger emphatically at Thompson). 
Suspended ! 



QUICK CURTAIN 



ACT II 

SCENE. — Training quarters at Huntingdon. Rough sort 
of a room, with door L., leading into dressing-rooms. 
Door R., leading to field and to gymnasium. Window R., 
overlooking field. Afezv benches and a chair or two are 
scattered around the room. Cheering for Wooster and 
Huntingdon is heard off stage Just before rise. At rise 
Hornblower is discovered at window, and Algernon 
Evans Sears is sitting on a bench, l. 

Sears. Can't you tear yourself away from that window 
long enough to listen to me, Hornblower ? 

Hornblower. I want to see the game. I don't see, 
Sears, why you should drag me into this place just to talk. 
Haven't you any interest in the game ? 

( Cheering heard off stage — ' ' Huntingdon / Huntingdon / ") 

Sears. I've more interest in this game than any other 
person on the field. That's the reason I asked you to come 
here. 

Hornblower. Funny way to show it. 

{He edges toward tvindow as cheering is heard off stage — 
" Wooster/ Wooster /" intermingled with cheers for 
Huntingdon.') 

Sears. I asked you to come here because you can get a 
chance to talk to Wood and I can't, without arousing suspi- 
cion. 

Hornblower. I'm not so sure of that. Buck Harding 
will fire me out of here. 

Sears. My dear Hornblower, how absurd ! You're a 
student at this college, and have the same right here as any 
one else. 

Hornblower. No, I haven't. This is the training 
quarters, and it's only for the teams. What do you want, 
Sears? I'd like to see the game. 

Sears. Don't get angry. Any one around that's apt to 
overhear us ? 

28 



THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 29 

Hornblower. No, only old Timmins, and he's probably 
out watching the game. 

Sears. Tell Wood to come to the chapter house to-night 
and I'll pay him the money I promised. That is {mean- 
ingly) if he has earned it. 

Hornblower. I'll tell him. 

Sears. There's a big bunch of money in this game. 
He'll not lose by it. You'll come over with him, won't you ? 

Hornblower. Oh, I guess so. ( Cheering, " Merrill / 
Merrill/" is heard off r.) What's happened ? {Goes to 
window.') Some one is hurt ! 

Sears. I'd better get out. {Starts toward l.) 

Hornblower. It's Merrill ! 

Sears. So much the better for me ! I wish the whole 
team would get smashed up. 

Hornblower. They're bringing him in here. 

Sears. Don't forget my message. 

{He exits l., as Green and a student enter r., with Mer- 
rill, who is hurt. They seat him on bench c. Exit 
Student, r.) 

Green. Did we hurt you very much, Fatty, bringing 
you in ? 

Merrill. No. Think of it, Joe, out of the game before 
the first half is over ! It's tough luck ! I don't see why 
Buck sent me out. I didn't want to leave the game. I'm 
all right ! Only a kick in the side. 

Hornblower. Buck knows what he's doing, Fatty. 

Merrill. How do you know? And don't you call me 
Fatty ! What are you doing here ? If it hadn't been for 
your friend Wood, I'd not have been kicked. 

Green. You'd better get out of here, Hornblower, be- 
fore Buck comes, or you'll get into trouble. The first half 
is almost over. 

Hornblower. I want to see Wood. 

Merrill. You can't do it. It's against the rules, and 
you know it. 

Hornblower. Oh, I don't know. You're mad because 
you're out of the game. 

Merrill {trying to rise). Somewhat sore. {He rubs 
his right side. Cheering off stage.) Some one has made a 
touch-down, Joe ! 



30 THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 

(He sinks back on to bench as Green crosses to window R. 
Whistle is heard off stage, ,) 

Green. First half is over ! 

Merrill. Sure no one scored ? 

Green. Yes, for they were nowhere near the goal. 

Merrill. Think of it, Joe ! Hazel out there in the 
grand stand, and I'm taken out of the game like a kid ! 

Green. It wasn't your fault. 

Merrill. You bet it wasn't ! Here I've been waiting 
all these months for this one day — so I could show Hazel 
the kind of a fellow that's in love with her. Then I must 
be dragged out of the game before I even had a chance to 
shine. 

Hornblower. Wanted to be like the gladiator who 
leaped into the arena for the lady's glove — the whole show, 
didn't you, Fatty? 

Merrill. That'll do for you ! 

Green. Here comes the team. 

(Enter Davis, Haliday, Wood, also members and substi- 
tutes on the Huntingdon team. All are in football uni- 
forms, which are soiled and dirty. Some have sweaters 
on, some have bath-robes, while others have highly-colored 
blankets wrapped around them. All look as if they had 
been working hard. Some sit on the benches, some throw 
themselves on the floor, while others stand in groups talk- 
ing. Hornblower goes to Wood.) 

Haliday. Tough luck your getting knocked out, Fatty ! 

Davis. You bet it is ! Say, fellows, we're not doing so 
badly ! Nothing to nothing. 

Haliday. We'll wallop them this half! 

Member of the Team. You bet ! 

2D Member of the Team. We've got them going ! 

3D Member of the Team. We had the ball in their ter- 
ritory all the time ! 

Haliday. What are you doing here, Hornblower? 

Hornblower (talking to Wood). Don't you see what 
I'm doing? 

Haliday. You'd better cut it out, for here comes Gray. 

(Enter Stephen Gray, r. He is not in uniform, but is 
dressed in the most modern college style.) 



THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 3 1 

Wood. It's none of your business, Haliday, whom I 
talk to. 

Gray. But it's mine. Get out of here, Hornblower ! 

Wood. Who are you talking to ? Because you're mana- 
ger of the team, don't think you're going to put him out ! 

Gray. It's against the rules, and you know it, Wood ! 
(Wood and Hornblower continue to talk.} Buck will put 
you out of the game. 

Wood. Let him do it. 

Green. Why don't you act squarely, Wood? You 
know we're in a hole with Thompson out of the game, and 
now Merrill's broken up. 

Merrill. There wasn't any need of sending me out ! 

Davis. It's hard luck, Fatty. 

Merrill. My last year, too. The biggest game of my 
whole college career, and — and — think of it, fellows, to be 
out of it ! Yes, and — well, it's hard luck. 

Green. How do you suppose Thompson feels? 

Haliday. Is he here? 

Green. I don't know. 1 left him at our room this 
morning. 

Davis. It was a beast of a trick to accuse Thompson of 
having taken that paper. 

(All look meaningly at Wood and nod their heads.} 

(Enter Buck Harding, r. He has on a large green sweater 
with a white letter. His trousers are turned up at the 
bottom, revealing a pair of heavy tan shoes. His cap is 
jammed down over his left ear. He sees Hornblower, 
and without speaking takes hi?n by the collar and forces 
him out r. Wood slinks back into the crowd. All laugh 
and cheer. The following four speeches are spoken sim- 
ultaneously with Harding's putting Hornblower out.} 

Merrill. Don't hurt the child, Buck ! 

ist Member of the Team. Handle him gently ! 

2D Member of the Team. He's a precious thing ! 

30 Member of the Team. The dear little fellow ! 

Harding (closing door r., and coming to a). What do 
you fellows think you're doing? You're playing football 
like a lot of kids. Because Thompson isn't in the game is 
no reason for you to lie down ! 

Merrill. Wasn't any need to put me out, Buck ! 



32 THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 

Harding. Don't argue with me ! Davis, get more life 
into you. Stiles, you play lower. Your interference is 
rotten. Wood, are you afraid of Adams? 

Wood (gruffly}. No. 

Harding. On your toes, then, and get after him. He's 
pushing you all over the field. The whole line is rotten ! 
No team work ! Wake up ! You're all asleep ! Get after 
the ball ! Watch it. Get through their line ! You ends 
get through there quicker ! Got lead in your shoes ? The 
line must play lower ! You're not trying to pick cherries ! 
Haliday, watch the ball. You've fumbled it twice. Squeeze 
it ! Smith, cover the man with the ball ! Break up their 
interference. Dive in ! Tackle them ! Tackle low ! You 
fellows ought to be playing ping-pong ! The last half, now, 
play to win ! Get into the game. Don't wait and wake up 
just after Wooster has scored ! They mustn't score ! If 
you get the ball on their ten-yard line use the criss-cross 
play, and not before. Wood, that means you're to get it 
over ! I want you to get it there. Do you understand ? 
Remember, 7 — 24 — 6 — 34 — 3, means a touch-down. 

All. 7 — 24 — 6 — 34 — 3, and a touch-down. Hurrah ! 
you bet ! 

Harding. Mitchell, you're rattled. Keep your head ! 
When you snap the ball back don't try to knock a star out 
of the sky ! Wood, you're a four-flusher ! Who told you 
you could play football? You can't play enough to keep 
warm. If you don't get into the game I'll go out there and 
wipe the field up with you ! 

Wood {sulkily). I'm playing all right. 

Merrill. No, you're not ! 

Wood (going toward Merrill) . Who are you talking to ? 

(All the team come forward.') 

Harding (pushing Wood to one side). We've heard 
enough from you ! ( Whistle is heard off stage.) 
Gray. Time's up ! 

Haliday. Now, fellows, for the honor of Huntingdon ! 
All (excepting Wood). For the honor of Huntingdon ! 

(All exeunt, excepting Merrill, r.) 

Merrill. I've got to sit here like an old woman. Bah ! 
(Cheering off stage). Enough to make a fellow cry. It 
wasn't right to put me out of the game ! (He rises slowly 



THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 33 

and goes to window R.) They're at it again ! Play away 
back, fellows ! Wooster is going to kick ! There she goes. 
Get under it, Haliday, get under it ! He's going to drop 
it. No, no ! a fair catch ! Hurrah ! hurrah ! Well done, 
Bert, old boy ! Now, fellows, plug it down the field ! * 

{Enter Thompson, l. He sits dejectedly on bench L. 
Merrill turns and sees him.) 

Merrill. Hallo, Phil ! 

Thompson. Wh- what are you doing here? Why aren't 
you in the game? 

Merrill. I got kicked in the side, and Buck sent me 
out. It's a shame, Phil ! I'm all right. 

{He crosses slowly to c. and doubles up from the pain, as 
he sinks on to bench.) 

Thompson. You act as if you were. 

Merrill. Think of it, Phil ! you and I out of the big- 
gest game of the year ! 

Thompson. Yes, I — I — know it. I couldn't stay away. 
I couldn't go out there on the field before that crowd. 
Because — because — they'd say, "There's Thompson, the 
thief!" 

Merrill. It's a shame, Phil. It's a dirty trick ! I'll 
bet Wood stole that paper. 

Thompson. I never took it. 

Merrill. You don't think I'd believe you did ? 

Thompson. No, Fatty. I'd rather stay at old Hunt- 
ingdon for the rest of my life, than get my degree by doing 
such a thing as that. 

Merrill. I know you would. There — there doesn't 
seem to be much chance of their wanting me again, so I'll 
— I'll go and change my clothes. 

(Thompson goes to him as he rises and they slowly cross 

to L.) 

(Exit Merrill, l.) 

Thompson (coming to a). Yes, Fatty, you and I are in 
the same boat. Willing to fight for the honor of old Hunt- 
ingdon, but — but can't ! 

(£?/^r Eleanor, r.) 



34 THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 

Eleanor. Phil ! 

Thompson. Eleanor ! What are you doing here ? This 
is no place for you ! 

Eleanor. I — I saw you from the stand, coming across 
tht* campus, and I — 1 thought perhaps you might be here. 
Oh, Phil, Phil, you don't know how I've suffered over the 
loss of that paper ! Think of the disgrace that has befallen 
you! Why did that telephone ring just at that time? I 
don't trust Fred Wood. 1 think he took it. 

Thompson. Don't worry about it. I can't understand 
it. But you did wrong in coming here. 

Eleanor. What do I care for what people may say? I 
wanted to see you. To ask you to forgive me for my part 
in this affair. 

Thompson. You are no more to blame for the suspicion 
that rests upon me than I am myself. It's a plot to remove 
me from the game, that's all. 

Eleanor. Yes, yes, Phil, I know it. 

Thompson. Ah, Eleanor, we look with awe and pride 
on the record of Bunker Hill — of Gettysburg. But the 
battle out on that field for the honor and glory of Hunt- 
ingdon is being fought just as hard, and means just as much 
to us, as did those battles to the men that had a part in 
them ! 

Eleanor. And to protect me, Phil, you are denying 
yourself the right to be there. 

Thompson. No, no, but because some contemptible cur 
has slandered me I'm robbed of the right to defend Hunt- 
ingdon. Disgraced, I must leave the old college. (Sinks 
on to bench.') But I'm innocent, — innocent ! 

(Cheering off stage J) 

Eleanor. Phil ! Phil ! let me go and tell my father 
what that paper was you put into your pocket. 

Thompson. No, Eleanor. But I relieve you of your 
promise to marry me. I'm going out into the world 
and make a place for myself. When I do — I — I'm coming 
back for you. Un — unless you have found some — some 
one else. 

Eleanor. Never, never ! You are sacrificing yourself 
to save me from the anger of my father. I'll not give you 
up. In your disgrace I'll stand with you even to the end. 



THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 35 

Thompson. No, no ! I had no right to suggest our 
being married secretly. I should have gone to your father. 

Eleanor. He would have refused you. 

Thompson. I know it, I know it ! Better that than the 
way it is now. 

Eleanor. Ah! Phil, why should you suffer? I'm as 
much to blame as you are. Let me go to my father and tell 
him all. 

Thompson. No ! 

Eleanor. I'd rather have him knock me down than 
accuse you wrongfully. You must let me go to him. 

Thompson. I can't 

Eleanor. It's my duty ! Ah, a woman would not be 
worthy of the man who would make her his wife if she 
failed him at such a crisis as this. You must let me go, you 
must. (Thompson starts to speak.) Don't say no, Phil, 
don't! Don't let me be tortured with the knowledge that 
you are sacrificing yourself for me ! 

Thompson. Don't! Don't make it harder for me. What 
you suggest is impossible. 

Eleanor. What do you mean ? — That — that you — you 
— did steal Ah ! Phil ! Phil ! tell me that you didn't. 

Thompson. Eleanor ! you do not know what you are 
saying ! You are excited. Go home and forget — that — 
that there was ever such a person as Phil Thompson. 

Eleanor {expressively, and throwing her arms around 
his neck). Phil ! 

Thompson (kissing her). Good — good-bye. 

(Exit Eleanor, r. Thompson stands looking after, then 
turns and comes down to c.) 

{Reenter Merrill, l. He is dressed in the modern college 
fashion. He walks weakly.) 

Merrill. How's the game? 

Thompson. I don't know. {Sinks moodily on bench.) 

Merrill (looking at watch as he crosses to window). 
Five more minutes to play. Look, Phil, look ! It's our 
ball. They're on Wooster's twenty-five yard line ! 

Thompson. Yes. 

Merrill. Haliday has it ! See, see, will he get through ? 
will he get through ? 

Thompson (rising and crossing quickly to window). 



36 THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 

Yes, yes, go it, Haliday, go it. Not at centre, you idiot ! 
Round the right end ! 

Merrill. Oh, oh, they'll get him ! they'll get him ! 

Thompson. He's got through, he's got through ! Look 
out for Fredericks, look out ! Dodge him ! dodge him ! 
Not to the right ! Go left, go to the left ! Oh, oh - 

Merrill. He's got by him. Look out for Adams, 
Haliday ! 

Thompson. Adams won't catch him. Go it, Bert, old 
boy, go it ! 

Merrill. He's stumbled ! Adams has him ! 

Thompson {exultantly). Wooster's ten-yard line. First 
down. Now, boys, get it over. 

Merrill. They're bucking centre ! They've fumbled 
it ! Oh ! get it, somebody, get it ! Where are you, Hunt- 
ingdon ? 

Thompson. Davis has it ! 

Merrill. Hurrah ! Charlie, old boy ! {Cheering off 
stage for Davis.) Second down. Seven yards to gain. 

Thompson. Did you hear that number ? 

Merrill. Yes, 7 — 24 — 6 — 34 — 3, the criss-cross ! 

Thompson. Yes, there goes the ball to Haliday. See, 
he's passed it to Grant. Now we've got you guessing, 
Wooster ! 

Merrill. Grant is coming right. 

Thompson. He's passed it to Wood. Now, Wood, get 
it over and save the day. Oh, why don't you move ? 
You've got a hole big enough for a train of cars. 

Merrill. He's running back ! 

Thompson. What's he doing that for? See, see! 
McLaughlin has broken through ! He's tackled him. Well, 
of all the stupidity ! Wood has dropped the ball ! 

Merrill. McLaughlin has it. Where are you, fellows? 

Thompson. Haliday, Davis, where are you ? McLaugh- 
lin has a clear field ! After him, boys ! Are you asleep ? 

Merrill. Davis will get him ! Oh, get him, Davis ! 
Ah ! {Disgusted gesture.) 

Thompson. There — they stopped him at last. But on 
the fifteen-yard line ! Why am I out of the game? I — I — 
can't stay here ! Fatty ! I'm going into the game ! 

{Throwing off his coat, starts toward r., but Merrill 
stops him.) 



THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 37 

Merrill (handing him back his coat). Don't make an 
exhibition of yourself, Phil. You can't play. They — they 
won't let you. 

Thompson. They won't let me? Yes, — you — you're 
right, — right. I'm no longer — I'm a disgrace, an outcast. 

(Sits on bench l. as cheering is heard off stage. Merrill 
at window r.) 

Merrill. Look, look ! Adams got through ! Right 
through Wood. He'll make a touch-down ! (Screams.) 
Stop him ! Stop him ! Oh, oh, he — he's over. (He 
comes to c. Cheering off stage — "Wooster ! Wooster ! 
Adams ! Adams / ") We're beaten, beaten ! (Whistle off 
stage.) Time up. It's all over. 

Thompson. I — I — must go. ' I can't stay and face the 
fellows now. I did want to say good-bye to them. But — 
but 

Merrill. You're going to leave college? 

Thompson. Yes. 

Merrill. I'm sorry, old man. The fellows don't be- 
lieve that you are guilty. They'll never forgive you if you 
go away without saying good-bye to them. 

Thompson. I haven't the courage to face them after this 
defeat. I — I'll try and come back and see them before I go. 

(Exit, l.) 

Merrill. The whitest man in college ! Oh, I'll shake 
the truth out of that Wood ! 

(Team enter r., all talking at once.) 

Gray. You lost the game, Wood ! It was a dirty, low 
trick ! Why did you do that ? 

Haliday. You sold us out, you contemptible traitor. 

Wood. What do you mean ? 

Haliday. You deliberately ran back on the criss-cross. 

Wood. You lie ! 

All (coming forward). Yes, you did ! You're a 
sneak ! You didn't try to get by McLaughlin ! You're a 
disgrace to the college ! 

Wood. It wasn't any fault of mine ! I did the best I 
could. You fellows didn't support me. You were sore be- 
cause I was in the game. Why don't you blame Thompson ? 



38 THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 

If he'd been in his regular place I'd have been in the side- 
lines. 

{Enter Harding, r.) 

Merrill {going threateningly toward Wood). Don't 
you drag Thompson into it ! 

Harding {coming between them). Go on over to the 
Gym, Wood ! (Wood starts to speak.) I don't want to 
hear anything from you. Go, before there's trouble. 

{Exit Wood, slowly, r.) 

Merrill. Oh, why didn't you let me hit him one? 

Gray. Fellows, you played a good game. We lost, 
never mind how. The man that can lose and shut his mouth 
and smile is the man that ultimately wins. You know what 
I mean. 

{All cheer " Gray ! Gray / " Team exeunt R. and L., ex- 
cept Gray, Merrill and Harding.) 

Harding. Well, I'm sorry, Gray, that my last year as 
coach for the team shouldn't have proved a winning one. 

Gray. It was no fault of yours, Buck. You worked 
like a Trojan to make the team a success. 

Merrill. Yes, and it would have been, if Thompson 
had not been out of the game. 

Gray. You're right ! The fellows lost courage. They 
couldn't trust Wood. 

Harding. I know it. Do you think Thompson stole 
that paper? 

Gray. 

Merrill. 

Harding. I don't ! Wood appears to know too much 
about it. 



No 



{Enter Green, r.) 

Green. Tough luck to lose. We ought to railroad 
Wood out of college. 

Merrill. Say, you're dead right ! Did you see Thomp- 
son. Joe? 

Green. No. 

Merrill. He was here. He says he's going to leave 
college. 



THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 39 

Gray. We mustn't let Phil leave. He must face this 
and disprove it. 

Green. We'll take this matter into our own hands. 

Gray. We'll make Wood face him. 

Merrill. We'll force him to tell the truth. Then march 
them both up to the Dean. 

Harding. Wouldn't it be better to have a few of the 
fellows call on the Dean ? Then present the facts that we 
get from Wood. 

Gray. That's the thing to do. 

Merrill. Suppose Wood refuses to say anything? 

Gray. Leave that to the boys. 

Merrill. What's the use of saying what we'll do until 
we find Phil ? 

Harding. You're right, Fatty. 

Merrill. Buck, that was a raw deal you handed to me. 

Harding. What? 

Merrill. Taking me out of the game. 

Harding {earnestly). You were all in, Fatty. What's 
that? 

{Muffled booming, as produced by an explosion, heard off 
stage R.) 

Green. What's that ? Has Wooster a cannon ? 

Harding. That wasn't a cannon. It's more like an ex- 
plosion. 

Green. This town doesn't possess anything with life 
enough in it to explode. 

Gray. " Sherlock " Watkins was saying that the select- 
men were going to give him a new revolver. He's probably 
practicing with it. 

{Enter Thompson, l.) 

Green. Phil ! 

Harding. Thompson ! {All go to him.) 
Thompson. I — I'm sorry, fellows, for this defeat. I — I 
thought I could go away without seeing you, but I couldn't. 
Gray. You'd have never heard the end of it if you did. 
Harding. I smell smoke ! 

Merrill {Jumping about). Who's afire? Where is it? 
Green. Yes, where is it? 

{Enter other members of team, L.) • - - 



40 THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 

Members of Team. What's the matter ? 

Haliday {rushing in door r.). All out ! The Gym 
and locker-rooms are on fire ! 

All. What ! {Members of the team excitedly rush in 
r. Some are fully dressed, others partly so, while some 
have on their football suits. They shout excitedly.) The 
Gym is gone! It's roaring like a furnace! We just had 
time to run ! {Enter others in football suits.) All our 
clothes are gone ! 

Haliday. If you hadn't fallen asleep you wouldn't have 
lost them. 

(Harding, Gray, Merrill and Green start towards., 
but stop as Davis, followed by three more of the team, 
hurriedly enters R. This scene must go very fast.) 

Davis. It's going like a volcano ! I only had time to 
jump. 

Other Members of Team. Out of the first floor window ? 

{Shouting, and a bell heard off R.) 

Harding. Come on, fellows, let's try and put it out ! 

(Harding, Gray, and some of the team rush out r. Shout- 
ing and bell again heard nearer. Noise continues, grow- 
ing louder.) 

{Reenter Gray, r.) 
Gray. The left wing is all ablaze. 

{Reenter Harding, r.) 

Harding. It's working around to the main building. 

{They all crowd aroimd door and window looking off R.) 

Merrill {dancing around excitedly). Thought you fel- 
lows were going to help put it out ? What are we staying 
here for ? That punk fire department won't get to work 
till the building is burnt down ! 

Davis. Did all the boys get out ? 

Harding. Where's Wood ? 

Haliday. He's here. 

Several Voices. No, he isn't. 

Davis. He didn't dress in the same room with us. 

All. He's in that building ! I tell you it's Wood. 
He's in there, fellows, etc., etc. 



THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 4 I 

(Harding rushes out r., followed by all but Merrill, 
Davis, Green and Thompson.) 

Merrill. He can't be in there. 

Davis. He must have come out before it caught fire. 

(Ree liter Harding.) 

Harding. You can't get near the building. It's one 
mass of flames. 

Merrill. If he didn't get out, he's — he's 

Davis. 'Course he got out ! Wood's no fool. 

Voices (off stage). Some one's in the building! Some 
one's in the building! See! he's at the window ! Get a 
ladder ! A ladder ! 

All (crowding to window and door). Wood ! 

Thompson. We can't let him die like that ! 

(Starts toward R.) 

Harding (stopping hint). Don't be foolish ! You'll 
never get out alive ! 

Thompson. Let go of me ! 

(Pushes Harding aside. Rushes out R.) 

Voices (off r.). Where're you going ? Keep away 
from that building ! Stop ! Stop him ! He's crazy ! 
Don't let him go in there ! etc. 

Thompson (off stage). Out of my way ! Out of my 
way ! I'm going in after him ! 

Green (rushing to door r.). Oh, don't let him go in ! 
Don't ! Stop him ! {Exit, r.) Phil, come back ! Come 
back ! 

Voices (off r.). Stretch out that line ! Bring up a lad- 
der ! Hurry up ! 

Green (reentering). He got away from them. He's in 
the building. 

Merrill. Why did we let him go ? 

Voices (off r.). Bring that line* over here. Bring it 
over ! Bring it over ! Look out ! Get back ! Get back ! 

(Crash and cracking noise heard off 'R. Haliday rushes 

to r.) 
Haliday (at door). The roof has fallen in. 



42 THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 

{Cheering off r., "Thompson/ Thompson/" Green 
rushes to door r.) 

Green. He's got him! He's got him! {Cheers 
heard off). 

{All cheer Thompson as he staggers in r. with Wood. 
Their faces and hands are grimy with smoke, etc.') 

Wood {weakly). Thompson, — you're white. — I — I'll — 
do — what's — what's — right. 

(Wood sinks to the stage as Thompson p <lu nges forward 
into Harding's arms.) 



QUICK CURTAIN 



ACT III 

SCENE. — Room at Dean Crowell's. Window c. Door 
L. C, leading to hall. Door L., leading to other parts 
of the house. Fireplace, with fire burning, at R. Large 
armchair near fireplace. Divan L. Other furniture is 
scattered about the room. Table at c, with books, pa- 
pers, etc., on it. 

(At rise Dean is discovered standing at c. Mrs. G. seated 
on divan L.) 

Dean. You can be assured that I will rigidly investigate 
the storing of gasoline in the Gymnasium. 

Mrs. G. I hope you will. What's more, I consider you 
have dealt unjustly with Mr. Thompson. A young man, who 
so courageously entered that burning building as he did, 
would never stoop to such an act as stealing. 

Dean. Perhaps you are right, Margaret. But I couldn't 
trust the father, and surely you could not expect me to trust 
the son. 

Mrs. G. Trust the father ! No more honorable a man 
ever lived than Phil Thompson's father ! I knew him very 
well. You forget we were boy and girl together. Because 
he was honest, because he believed all men to be honest was 
why he fell a victim to the scheming roguery of others. 

Dean. There are always two sides to a story. Do you 
mean to tell me that he did not know that the Merryweather 
mine was worthless ? Would you have me believe that he 
did not profit by the thousands of dollars that I and others 
sunk in it ? He cheated me ! And I — I thought he was 
my friend. 

Mrs. G. John Thompson was as innocent of any wrong 
in connection with the Merryweather mine as I am. If you 
lost a few thousand dollars, James, he lost every dollar he 
possessed. The house that he took such pride in had to go 
to settle his indebtedness. To-day he's a physical, as well 
as a financial wreck. My own husband lost heavily, but he 
didn't turn against John Thompson for it. Because he knew 
the truth. 

43 



44 THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 

Dean. Well, I — I didn't know that. All these years I 
have believed he had cheated me. 

Mrs. G. Yes, and haven't you taken it out just a little 
upon the son, a fine boy who has not been ashamed to 
do any kind of work to secure an education? Did Phil 
Thompson stop and think of what Wood had done to him 
when he dashed into that burning building to save him ? 

Dean. No. 

Mrs. G. {warmly). But you have forgotten how John 
Thompson risked his own life to save you from drowning. 
Who came to your aid when your father lost his fortune ? 
John Thompson. 

Dean. Yes — yes. 

Mrs. G. And you've forgotten these things, James 
Crowell, because you lost a few dollars. I'm ashamed of 
you. You can siever repay John Thompson for what he has 
done for you. 

Dean. Margaret — don't be too hard on me. You don't 
know the whole story. But I'm afraid you are right in part. 
I have been rather narrow ! I'm glad you came — you have 
made me see myself in a new light. But the boy — you ad- 
mit all appearances have been against him in this matter of 
the examination paper ! 

Mrs. G. Perhaps. I don't believe you know all that 
story, either, Charles. But give the boy a chance. I'm 
going to see him now. Can I take him a message from 
you? 

Dean. Yes. Say — say, that if he's able, I'd like to 
have him call and see me — to-day. 

Mrs. G. I will. 

{Exit, l. c.) 

Dean. Oh, John, John ! My friend, what an unrea- 
sonable weakling I've been. How selfish I have been be- 
cause my loss hit me hard. Well, if the boy has been 
harshly treated I will not rest until I set it right. 

{Enter Eleanor, l.) 

Eleanor. Father ! 

Dean. Yes, Eleanor. 

Eleanor. I — I — want to speak to you. — You won't be 
angry with me at what I'm going to say? 

Dean. My child, you are all I have in the world. Have 
I ever been angry with you ? 



THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 45 

Eleanor. No. — What — what I want to speak, —to — to 
say, is that I know the paper that Mr. Wood claims he saw 
Mr. Thompson put into his pocket was not Professor Wyeth's 
examination paper. 

Dean. Why didn't you tell me this before? 

Eleanor. Be-because I was afraid. 

Dean. Afraid ! Afraid of what ? — Of me ? 

Eleanor. Yes. 

Dean. Have I been such a father to you that you should 
be afraid of me ? — Are you still afraid ? 

Eleanor. No. — Father — father, I love Phil Thompson. 

Dean. What ! 

Eleanor. I — 1 — I've promised to be his wife. 

Dean. His wife ! He has not spoken to me. 

Eleanor. No. He — we both — feared your answer. 
He knew your attitude toward his father. 

Dean. Oh ! — Then — then this paper Wood saw Thomp- 
son put into his pocket was something you knew about? 

Eleanor. Yes. 

Dean. Something that concerned you and Thompson ? 

Eleanor. It — it was our — our marriage license. 

Dean. You were going to be married without my 
knowledge ? 

Eleanor. Father ! forgive me ! Do not blame Phil. 
I am as much at fault as he was. Father ! when a woman 
loves a man she would go to the end of the earth for him. — 
I love Phil. 

Dean. Eleanor, Eleanor ! my daughter, to have so 
little confidence in me. — Are — are you married? 

Eleanor. No, father, Phil was too honorable to ask me 
to share his name while he is under this disgrace. Father ! 
you don't believe him guilty? — Say you don't. 

Dean. I don't know. Ever since that examination pa- 
per was stolen I have undergone a series of rude awakenings. 
What I may expect next I cannot tell. So he refused to 
speak in order to shield you. 

Eleanor. Yes. Father, — you — you — will forgive me — 
and him? 

Dean. Eleanor,— I— I {With feeling.} Eleanor! 

Eleanor. Father ! 

(He takes her in his arms.) 
(Enter Sarah, l.) 



46 THOMPSON OF THE VaRSITY 

Sarah. The butcher is here, Miss Eleanor. 

Eleanor I — I'll be there immediately. {Exit Sarah.) 
Father, I expect Hazel and Miss Taylor. Should they come 
before I return, ask them to wait. 

Dean. Yes. {Exit Eleanor, l.) Eleanor in love! 
With young Thompson ! Ah, John, to think that after all 
these years of bitterness toward you this must come about, 
just as 1 realize the absurdity of my attitude. Does it come 
as an opportunity for atonement? I — I — don't know. 

{Enter Hazel and Alicia, l. a") 

Hazel. Is Eleanor at home, Dean Crowell? 

Dean. VVh-what ? Oh, I beg — beg your pardon. 

You startled me, young ladies. 

Alicia. Good-afternoon, Dean Crowell. 

Deaii. Eleanor was expecting you. She is busy down- 
stairs for a few minutes. You'll wait ? 

Hazel. Yes. 

Dean. You'll excuse me ? I must go and see Mr. 
Wood. 

Alicia. Was he burnt very badly in the fire? 

Dean. Painfully, but not seriously, I believe. I have 
not seen him yet. Good -afternoon. 

{Exit, l. c.) 

Alicia. The Dean seems rather grumpy. Has he been 
affected by the result of yesterday's game? 

Hazel. I think it's real mean of you, Alicia, to show so 
much elation over Huntingdon's defeat ! I don't think it's 
just right " to — to — rub it in," as Joe says. 

Alicia. Oh, I was only teasing you, Hazel. You know 
I'm acquainted with more men at Wooster than I am here. 
Perhaps it would have been different if Mr. Thompson had 
played. What a hero he is to-day. 

{Enter Davis, l. c.) 

Davis. Hullo. Talking about Phil? Isn't he a daisy? 
Were you at the fire yesterday? 

Hazel. No, but every one's talking about it. 

Davis {excitedly'). You should have been there ! It 
was the most spectacular thing I ever saw. Gee ! it was 



THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 



47 



quick. We just had time to get out, and that's all. And 
then Phil's saving Wood's life — my ! It was an exciting 
day, all right. 

Hazel. Yes, it was. 

Davis. All we could do was to stand around like a lot 
of frightened sheep. Phil was the only man in the crowd 
that had sand enough in him to do it. 

Alicia. Why, Mr. Davis, you are just as good as an 
extra in the evening paper ! 

Hazel. I think it's just horrid of you, Alicia, to say 
that. It's all too serious to joke about. Oh, here's Elea- 
nor. 

{Enter Eleanor, l.) 

Eleanor. Have I kept you waiting long? 

Hazel. No, not very long, Eleanor. 

Alicia. Mr. Davis has been giving us the most graphic 
account of the Gym fire. 

Eleanor {tremulously). Oh, wasn't it dreadful? 

Hazel. Well, it might have been — but for Phil. We 
all think he's splendid, Eleanor. Have you seen him? 

Eleanor {smiling happily). No, but I heard — no, I 
haven't seen him. 

Davis. Well, not another man in the college had the 
courage to do it. Yet they accuse Phil of stealing. 

Hazel. It was a shame ! I don't believe Phil Thomp- 
son took that paper. Do you, Eleanor? 

Eleanor {quietly). No, Phil is too honorable to do 
such a thing. 

Hazel. Don't you think, Eleanor, your father might 
have investigated the matter more thoroughly before sus- 
pending Phil? 

Davis. That's the way we fellows feel. That's why I'm 
here, to see if the Dean won't grant an interview to us, 
and reopen the case. We don't believe that Wood knocked 
the music off the piano by accident. He did so because he 
knew it was there. Besides, we have good reason to be- 
lieve that we can produce evidence that will clear Phil. 

Alicia. What do you mean? How would Mr. Wood 
have known it was there? 

Davis. Well, Joe told us afterward that he found Wood 
and Hornblower alone in his room. He said that Horn- 
blower appeared greatly interested in the music. 



48 THOMPSON OF THE VaRSITY 

Alicia. Nothing suspicious in that. Mr. Hornblower 
is rather an accomplished musician, I understand. 

Davis. Well, you see, we know Hornblower, Miss Taylor, 
and we think the thing ought to be investigated. If the 
Dean hadn't been so set against Thompson, he would have 
seen how flimsy it was. Is the Dean at home, Eleanor? 

Eleanor. No, he's gone to the hospital to see Mr. 
Wood. 

Davis. I'll wait, if you don't mind. 

(Sits on divan near Hazel.) 
Eleanor. Not in the least. 

(Enter Merrill, l. c.) 

Merrill. Say, Charlie, how long do you think the fel- 
lows are going to wait for you to find out if the Dean will 
see us ? 

Davis. I don't know. ( Talks to Hazel.) 

Alicia. Did you make any thrilling rescues at the fire 
yesterday, Mr. Merrill ? 

Merrill (looking at Hazel and Davis). Hum. Oh, 
yes, yes. 

Hazel. What ! 

Merrill. No, no. 

Eleanor. Have you seen Mr. Thompson? 

Merrill (still staring at Hazel, etc?). Oh, yes, yes. 

Eleanor. Is — is — he burnt badly? 

Merrill. Oh, yes, yes. Er — er — that is — er What 

did you say? — Oh, oh, yes. No, I'm not burnt. I wasn't 
in the fire. 

Eleanor (smiling). I didn't ask if you were in the fire, 
Mr. Merrill. 

Merrill. Didn't you? Whom do you mean ? 

Alicia (smiling). We were speaking of Mr. Thompson. 
You're asleep at the switch, Mr. Merrill. 

Eleanor. Have you seen Phil, Mr. Merrill ? 

(Pause. Merrill stares at Hazel and Davis, who are 
holding a lively conversation.) 

Alicia (melodramatically). You're lost, Mr. Merrill. 
Lost — and in a great city ! 
Merrill. Eh — oh — what ? 



THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 49 

Eleanor. Come, Miss Taylor, and I'll show you that 
dress pattern, as we seem to be in the way. 

(Alicia laughs and both exeunt, talking, l. ) 

Merrill. Pardon me, Mr. Davis, for interrupting your 
interesting conversation, but what shall I say to the fellows? 

Davis. Don't bother me. Don't you see I'm engaged ? 

Merrill {savagely). I'm not blind ! Are you going to 
the dance to-night, Hazel ? 

Hazel. Yes. Mr. Davis has been kind enough to in- 
vite me. 

Merrill. Davis has invited you? You're going with 
me ! 

Hazel. I said Mr. Davis had invited me. 

Merrill. Yes; I heard what you said. But where 
does my invitation come in? 

Hazel. I don't know. I've not seen it. 

Merrill. Why, I — I Oh, come, you know I took 

it for granted that you were going with me. 

Hazel {archly). But you take a good deal for granted? 

Merrill. I — I — suppose all your dances are engaged? 

Hazel {smiling coquettishly). I'm afraid they are. 
(Merrill deliberately crosses and sits on divan, with Davis 
and Hazel. Davis is forced to the edge of divan. They 
glare at one another.) Do you gentlemen know that this 
divan isn't built for three? 

{Neither man moves. Pause.) 

Merrill. Enjoying yourself, Davis? 

Davis. Yes, are you? 

Merrill. No. 

Hazel {giggling). You'll have to excuse me. 

{She rises, and as she does both Merrill and Davis rise 
hastily. Merrill shakes his fist at Davis behind 
Hazel's back.) 

Davis. I don't know as I want to wait and see the Dean. 
Wouldn't you like to go and see the ruins, Miss Green ? 

Merrill. No you don't ! You were anxious enough a 
little while ago to see the Dean. So now wait, I'll take 
Miss Green to see the ruins, 



50 THOMPSON OF THE VARSITY 

Davis. I much prefer taking Miss Green. You see the 
Dean. 

Hazel (delighted at the situation). Yes, do, Harry. 
You know you hate to walk. Mr. Davis will show them to 
me. 

Merrill. No, he won't ! 

{Enter Haliday, l. c.) 

Haliday. Davis ! Merrill ! Some one stole Blatch- 
ford's signs yesterday. Sheriff " Sherlock " Watkins is on 
the trail. He's coming to see the Dean. 

Davis. The Dean's not at home. 

Haliday. Oh, say, is that so? The fellows are going 
to have some fun with Watkins. Come on. 

{Goes toward door l. c.) 

Merrill. You'd better go, Davis. Miss Green will ex- 
cuse you. 

Davis. Oh, you go. Don't miss all the fun. 

Merrill. I won't. I'll stay right here. (Goes to 
Davis, and in an aside.) If you don't get out of here, 
Davis, I'll hand you something for keeps. 

Davis (aside, to Merrill). Oh, come off, Fatty, I was 
only getting a rise out of you. Don't elope with her. 
(Laughs; aloud.) Seeing that you are so disagreeable, 
Merrill, I'll go. You'll excuse me, Miss Green ? 

Hazel (smiling). Oh, must you go, Mr. Davis ? Well, 
do come again. 

Davis. Oh, I will. (Laughs.) 

(Exit, l. c.) 

Merrill. Hazel, you — you are making it awfully hard 
for me. 

Hazel. Didn't Mr. Davis play beautifully in the game 
yesterday? 

Merrill. Yes, but that's no reason why you should 
freeze me. It's bad enough to have been out of the game, 
without having every fellow stealing you away from me. 

Hazel (with assumed severity). Can't I speak to any 
one else without your permission ? 

Merrill. Oh, look here. (He rushes up stage and 



THOMPSON OF THE VaRSITY 5 1 

looks off L. Then comes down and falls on his knees in 
front of Hazel, who is seated r. in armchair.) Hazel, I 
love you ! I want you for my wife. 

Hazel. Why, Harry ! you — you take my breath away. 

Merrill. I know it, Hazel. I — I — can't wait. I love 
you madly. My letters haven't told you half of what is in 
my heart. 

Hazel. Mother says I'm too young to marry. 

Merrill. I'm not asking for your mother's opinion. I 
don't want to marry her. 

Hazel. Oh, I'm sure they're coming back. Don't let 
them see you in that ridiculous position. 

Merrill (rising). Then you refuse me? Have all your 
letters been meaningless things? Have you been making 
light of my love ? 

Hazel. How tragic, Harry. 

Merrill. You think, like all the rest, because a fellow 
is fat he hasn't any feelings. 

Hazel. Oh, Harry, you misunderstand me. I — I — do 
like you, and perhaps I might like you better some — er — 
some time. 

Merrill. Some time ! Why not now ? I promised 
Joe I'd be his brother ; won't you help me make good ? 

Hazel. Promised Joe you'd be his brother! 

Merrill, Yes. 

Hazel. Indeed ! Before you knew my opinion ? 

Merrill. I — I'm sorry, Hazel. Rut — but Joe knew 
how I — I love you. I couldn't conceal it from him. 

Hazel. There's no reason why you should go around 
telling every one you meet that you are going to marry me. 
How do you know you are ? 

Merrill. I — I — don't know it. But then — er Ah, 

Hazel ! why be so hard on a fellow ? — I love you. That — 
that ought to be excuse enough for a fellow to — to — to — er — 
jump out of — his — his shoes. (Goes to her.) Hazel! 

Hazel. You'll promise not to be a jealous husband? 

Merrill. I'll promise anything. 

Hazel. Well, maybe I'll consider it — some time. 

Merrill. Won't you be serious, Hazel? I want you 
for my wife. I'll get my degree in June. Then I'm going 
into the office with father. I'll be in a position to take care 
of you. Don't you think that some time might — might be 
now ? 



Jl THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 

Hazel (with pretty despair'). Oh, Harry, don't you 
know when it's time for — for a touch-down ? 

(Covers her face.) 

Merrill (rushing to her and taking her in his arms'). 
Hazel, do you mean it? That I'd won and didn't know 
it? 

Hazel (her head on his shoulder). Harry, you big 
goose, you certainly need somebody to look after you. 

Merrill. Hazel ! 

(Embrace as Green enters L. c.) 

Green. Offside, Fatty ! 

Hazel. Oh! (Runs off i,.) 

Merrill (laughing). Offside ! Not much ! I've done 
it, Joe. I'm your brother. That is — er — I'm going to be. 

Green. What do you think mother will say? 

Merrill (sinking into chair, r., as Gray enters L. a). 
Whew ! I — I don't know. 

Gray. Hullo ! Dean here, boys ? 

Green. No; he went over to see Wood. 

(Enter Alicia, l.) 

Alicia. The rest of the committee? 

Green. Yes. 

Gray. I understand the Dean is over at the hospital 
with Wood. 

Green. Yes, and Hornblower has taken French leave 
of the college. 

Merrill. What ! 

Gray. Fact. Sneaked out early this morning. 

Merrill. Well, good riddance, I say. 

(Pounding of bass -drum heard off stage at a distance.) 

Alicia. What's that? 
Merrill. Here comes the constable. 
Alicia. Constable ! 

Green. Yes. Some signs were stolen yesterday. He's 
coming to complain to the Dean. 

Alicia. Does he always come with a bass-drum ? 
Gray. Oh, no. Some of the fellows are assisting him. 



THoMpson of the Varsity 53 

(All go up to window c, as the pounding groivs nearer.) 

Eleanor. Oh, they have on those Hallow 'een costumes. 
Alicia. Here they come ! 

(Cheering off stage, "Ray! Ray! Ray! Watkins ! 
Wat kins ! ] Vat kins ! Tiger ! " Mad pounding of 
drum.) 

Watkins (off stage and at a slight distance away). If 
yer fellers dun't stop yer pesky fool'n' I'll have the law on 
yer. 

Alicia (laughing). Isn't that ridiculous? 

Gray. Too bad the Dean's not at home. 

Watkins (outside). The Dean at home? 

Sarah (outside). No, sir. 

Watkins. Wal, I'll come in an' wait. 

(Enter Watkins, l. c.) 

Crowd (off stage). Out of his way. The majesty of 
the law must be respected. (Pounding of bass-drum.) 

(Enter Eleanor and Hazel, l.) 

Eleanor. Oh, Mr. Watkins, how do you do ? (Wat- 
kins is dressed in a regulation coat and helmet, but has on 
overalls tucked in cowhide boots. He is followed by Hali- 
day, Davis and a crowd of students, who are robed in gro- 
tesque gowns and masks. One has a bass-drum, while 
others carry banners bearing the following inscriptions : 
" ' Sherl >ck Holmes ' Watkins. " " One of the fi nest, nit.'' 
" Who stole the sign?" " Call and see Watkins. He's 
looking for you.") I'm sorry my father isn't at home, Mr. 
Watkins. (To students, smiling.) Are you escorting Mr. 
Watkins? (Crowd is much amused.) 

Haliday. We think it's not quite dignified for such an 
important personage to go about unattended. 

Crowd. Whoop! That's so ! (Beating of drum.) 

Eleanor. That's about enough noise, isn't it? Now, 
boys, do go before father comes back. 

Haliday. Oh, don't you worry about us, Miss Eleanor. 
We've posted a man outside to let us know when the Dean 
appears. Now, Mr. Watkins, speak your little piece. 

Watkins (glaring at students). Miss Crowell, I kem 



54 THOMPSON OF THE VaRSIT*/ 

here to enter formal complaint to „the Dean. This here 
stealin' signs and destroyin' proputty's got to stop. I'll put 
some of these here students in jail — I'll 

Haliday. That'll do. Miss Crovvell, you've heard Mr. 
Watkins' complaint. And you'll see that the Dean gets it — 
won't you? 

Eleanor (laughing in spite of herself}. Certainly. 
Oh, you ridiculous boys. 

Haliday. Then that'll be about all, " Sherlock." It's 
your cue to exit. 

(Two students seize Watkins, force him to bow to ladies y 
and rush him l. c.) 

Watkins. Ye all orter be in jail. I'll have the law on 
ye — I'll have the law on ye all ! 

{Exeunt Watkins, Davis, Haliday and crowd. All others 

laugh heartily.) 

Alicia. Oh, dear, that was funny ! 

Eleanor. He's a town character. To tell you the 
truth, I think he enjoys it as much as the boys do. (Looks 
off l.) Here comes father. The crowd got around the 
corner just in time. 

(Enter Dean, l. c.) 

Dean. Gentlemen, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. 
I understand you wish to see me about Mr. Thompson. I 
have sent for him. Ah, here he is now. 

(Enter Thompson, l. c, with his right arm in a sling.) 

Thompson. You wish to see me, sir ? 

(Green, Merrill and Gray go to him.) 

Dean. Yes. I wish to congratulate you on your hero- 
ism of yesterday. It was splendid, Mr. Thompson. 

Thompson. It was the least I could do. 

Dean (taking Thompson's hand). My boy, you acted 
nobly. I'm sorry for the fact of the fire, yet I can only say 
that it happened for the best. (To all.) Mr. Wood has 
confessed that it was he who stole the examination paper 
from my study. He asks me to make this fact public, in 
justice to Mr. Thompson. 



THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 55 

Gray. There ! What do you think of your friend 
Wood, now, Miss Taylor? 

Alicia. Why, I think it was disgraceful. I can't hardly 
believe it. 

Dean. Wood also confessed to-day that he deliberately 
did what he could to lose the game for Huntingdon yester- 
day. He was paid by Sears, of Wooster. I telephoned 
President Sims, and he has sent Captain Adams over to 
apologize. Sears, it seems, has also confessed and left col- 
lege. (Goes to door l.) Will you come in, please/ Mr. 
Adams? (Enter Adams, l.) Mr. Adams, ladies and 
gentlemen. 

Thompson. Oh, how d'ye do, Adams? (Shakes hands.) 

Adams. How d'ye do, Thompson ? 

Dean. Mr. Adams, I asked you to wait until these oth- 
ers could hear you. Now (smiling cordially), you don't 
mind speaking before them all, do you ? 

Adams. Not at all, sir, though I am here on a very un- 
pleasant errand. I regret to say that the laurels won by 
Wooster, yesterday, were not honorably obtained. 

Dean. We welcome you nevertheless. 

All. Indeed we do. It was fine of you to come, etc. 

Adams. Thank you, sir. In the eyes of the world 
Wooster must remain the acknowledged victor. Yet from 
what Sears says the game rightfully belongs to Huntingdon. 
I hope (to all) that you will accept the apology of Wooster, 
and realize that had we been aware of the compact between 
Wood and Sears we would not have stood for it for one 
moment. (All cheer Adams, and then Wooster.) 

Thompson. The sting of defeat is very severe to all of us 
here, old man, because the fault was chiefly in one of our 
own men. However, as captain of Huntingdon, I can only 
say, to you and the fellows of Wooster, that we are grateful 
for your apology. 

(Students cheer Adams, Thompson and both teams, as they 
crowd around Adams and Thompson. Alicia is talking 
to Hazel. Eleanor to Dean.) 

Dean. I don't know how you can ever forgive me, 
Philip, for having acted so hastily. All I can say is that I 
hope you will pardon me. 

Thompson. It's — it's been rather hard on me, sir. But 
I — I — appreciate your position, and — it's all right, sir. 



56 THOMPSON OF THE 'VARSITY 

Dean. Thank you. Now let me right a great wrong 
that I have done your father. I believed him guilty of hav- 
ing cheated me. But I've been awakened to my mistake. 
My best apology will be to show the confidence I now have 
in you. Eleanor has told me all. {Turns to others.') I 
wish to announce the engagement of my daughter, Eleanor, 
to Mr. Philip Thompson. 

All. What ! 

Thompson. Dean Crowell, I — I can't I don't 

know what to say. It's This is so unexpected 

Eleanor. Phil ! you'll — you'll — forgive me for — for 
telling 

Thompson {giving hand to Dean). Eleanor ! 

{Gives both hands to her.) 



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